So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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