I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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