Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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