I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
