you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
