i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I understand Curling. That high.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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