drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize