I wish I could punch you in the face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize