; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
