Jerry, you need to find god
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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