and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You left your phone here
Wait...
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