this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No I am not eating basil off your cock
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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