it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
