that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
