Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
