there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
