Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
