we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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