Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
