If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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