Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
