Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
