He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
