Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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