Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
