you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
