every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
