you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
