My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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