omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
