When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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