My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
