I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
