talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
