we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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