I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
