This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
