textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
