Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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