She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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