Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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