I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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