I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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