so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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