So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
