Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
