You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
