Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
