I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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