a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
