I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
