I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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