Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
