so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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