So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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