Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
