who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
