I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
