the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize