perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
