Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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