so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
