i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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